Lumpy Battles

You keep coming back
The first time i ever saw you
 I didn’t know who you were 
You came to see mother 
I wish you never came into our lives 
I wish i had never set eyes on you,
She let you dine with her 
And you put her to sleep

You keep coming back
Six times you visited Missy! 
And six times she has said no 
You’ve refused to give up

You keep coming back
What sort of man kills a woman
and courts her daughters 
When you first came to see me,
I thought I did enough to discourage you 
A second visit, and I was sure 
I would never see you again
But here you are

You keep coming back
What did we ever do to deserve you?
You’ve slept with mother already 
So, quit coming back!

An Encounter With A ‘Prophet'

I have the utmost respect for Pastors and spiritual leaders, although I am aware that several of them called themselves.

The bible says "...believe in the prophets, and you shall prosper.’ when Pastors and prophets make declarations and prophetic utterances over my life I believe it unreservedly. I have never believed in" "prophets" though (man or woman who looks into your past present or future and proffers a solution that will require some amount of money for people to go to the "mountain"' and pray for you.).

Up until recently I have had plenty to say about the practice though I had never had a personal experience. Well, that has changed, now it’s a case of "been there, done that".

After a lot of persuasion from a friend, I decided to go and see this "powerful Prophet"; I told myself, "it can’t be that terrible", I was wrong.

On that fateful day I decided to attend one of their deliverance night vigils’, we went remarkably early so I could see the Prophet before the Vigil started.

I entered his office and sat down; he sat opposite me, looked at me for a couple of minutes and asked me what my problem was. I responded that I did not have a problem except that my relationships do not last long. He asked if I knew what my problem was, I told him that was the precise reason I was there, with a sarcastic smile playing around the corners of my mouth.

‘As you are sitting there, what I see is a snake’. I literally sat forward, saying to myself that it had begun.

‘Well sir what can we do about it’? I responded.

‘Thank God you are here tonight, there will be deliverance ‘. He said.

He told me, I had a "spirit husband" the smile on my face broadened a bit, he asked me if I usually made love in the dream, I told him that I had never made love in my dream, then he told me, I had  "marine spirit".

‘You sleep a lot’ he declared, reason being that I subconsciously go for meetings. I responded that as a matter of fact, I have a problem sleeping; he simply shrugged and responded that I don’t sleep because they don’t want me to.

Ideally I should be confused at this double statement; I was rather tickled, with a huge grin on my face to show for it. He realised that he was not getting through to me and decided to throw in the real shocker.

‘Who did you have an abortion for? Because I see children standing behind you’ I could not help but laugh out loud [thinking of it now, I must have seemed quite possessed to him, with the way I conducted myself throughout the consultation].

In answer to that funny question I simply told him, I, had never had sex, so it was beyond me how I conceived and subsequently committed an abortion.

‘In that case you have spirit children’ he responded. He had obviously decided that whether I agreed or not there was something wrong with me, he went ahead to prophesy about the condition of my parents, I cut him off mid sentence with the information that my parents were dead. He would have held on to that if I gave an indication that I was in the least interested in what he was about to say but by that time the look on my face was that of bored tolerance.

Not willing to lose control of the situation, he prophesied that I was an unusually stubborn person, I heartily agreed with him while also noting to myself that, this was no prophecy but an observation. He asked me if I wanted to be delivered, I bobbed my head a couple of times in the affirmative, and then he gave me a sheet of paper which had prayer points and scriptures. I was to meditate on them, pray and also fast. He also told me if I wanted my deliverance to be complete, he had to ask some people who were dedicated to prayer alone, to go up to the mountain and pray for me, but I would have to give them money for transportation and feeding, and after they had finished, in appreciation I could give them any amount of money I wanted.

There was nothing left to be said. I had just been fed a pack of lies he knew it, I knew it. We also knew that no-one would be going to any mountain on my behalf.

I stayed for the vigil; the sermon was generally about "city pastors", their ‘Christianese’ and their iPads. But specifically it was about "marine spirits". The deliverance was also conducted, and like you have already guessed I did not fall or manifest, i must add that the prophet was not particularly happy with that because he kept insisting that some spirits were extremely stubborn. At one point, he actually pointed at me and said "young lady’" but he did not continue.

I know with every fiber of my being that there is nothing remotely wrong with me, so his assertions about me do not bother me in the least, what bothers me though is how and why we expose ourselves to fraudsters and swindlers.

Traffic Police

The taxi stopped three cars away from the junction
I looked to my left and, the driver was smiling
I looked to my right, and the driver was also smiling
As far as I could see everyone was smiling
I could understand because I was also smiling
We were all staring at a lone figure
His black beret was competing seriously with his face
His orange shirt complimented the sun perfectly
His black trousers and boot were a direct contrast
To his sparking white gloves
He stood in the middle of the road
The smile on his face was certainly something to behold
He moved his hands like a conductor in an orchestra
He moved his leg like he was dancing the moonwalk
I could tell he was having the time of his life
At that moment I wished with all my heart
That we could swap places
Not because of his dance moves
Or his conducting skills
But an opportunity of a vacation at my vocation
But then again we can’t all be lucky.

when he died...

It was a day like every other
Yet it wasn’t like any other day
Death came knocking on the door
Not subtly but with a big bang

She was at that place
between sleep and consciousness
The first thing she heard was
My brother is dead!
Her eyes flew open
yet she thought it was a dream

The woman cried inconsolably
“Who will take care of my daughter”
“Who will take care of my daughter”
It was a pitiful sight
But alas it didn’t require pity
For the mask of piety and selflessness
unceremonious fell off
And the naked face of her was revealed
For the brother  was not without seed
And she was not a wife but a sister

She looked at her and for the first time
Not with tainted glasses
For although she was greatly grieved
She couldn’t help but wonder at such comedy
How can she cry, when she is so alive?
And his children, orphans all of a sudden

It would have been a celebration
If the faces where a little less sorrowful
And the music a little less solemn
if he wasn’t lying in the middle in his Sunday best

She pranced around while everyone looked on
Her sorrow was palpable
not for who she lost but what she lost
And as she also looked at her
She knew not to ever trust the human face
 it is a mask above all others

the virtue of selfishness

Psychology is very good
But that isn’t my major
Per-chance I am psychic
Why would I want to read your mind?

Intuition is a gift
One I happen not to have
If you have something in mind
Pity, but you have to say it

Humility is such a virtue
But who ever said I was virtuous?
The last time I was docile
I must have been a toddler

The world is full of  perfect people
Of which, I’m not one
I might be a lot of things
But I am no hypocrite

Pretence is a skill
One I have no desire to acquire
Being a wolf in sheep clothing
Just isn’t my style

Okolo-Ama

So little so beautiful
Perched in the middle of the deep blue sea
Surrounded by pelicans and shells
Sited at the very end of  Rivers

A beautiful heritage
Young women vibrating to the rhythm of the drums
With their ‘biebite’ and ‘egerebite’   firmly around their waist
Proudly celebrating the rite of passage to womanhood

A friendly paradise
Luring her friends with the gyrations of  ‘nwaotam’
And the quest for oil money
And fulfilling all her promises

Dignified, reserved and unassuming
While her peers were running around naked
She was playing host to the British
And drinking tea from teacups

‘Okolo-ama‘, my Bonny
Ushering in your children with ‘essem akpakpa’
Into the welcome embrace of their mothers’ arm
You are truly a kingdom and rare




*OKOLOAMA-is the indigenous name for Bonny Kingdom in Rivers State, Nigeria
*BIEBITE AND EGEREBITE-special sets of wrapper tied by young women when performing the rites of womanhood
*NWAOTAM- a masquerade of the Bonny people usually celebrated on the 25th of December
*ESSEM AKPAKPA-periwinkle shells

Virtual Romance

The world is evolving no doubt
Everything is at the click of a button
Everything you’ve ever wanted
Seems just a screen away
Vocabularies are changing as well
Tweeting, facebook, pinging
And what have you;

Love at first sight?
That is so ancient
It’s the 21’s century
Try, love at first ping
Or perhaps, love at first chat
Maybe again love at first tweet

Silly!, You think?
It is a virtual world we live in
Virtual goods, virtual brands, virtual friends
And my ‘favourite’ virtual romance
Absolutely fabulous

A word of advice though
Don’t get your feelings involved
Want to know why?
There is no virtual pain
It is the real deal
How do I know?
Just take my word for it