Gold-Digger: A Role Reversal

The word gold-digger used to have a female picture beside it, in my mind’s eye, but the types of men I have met in recent times are determined to change that mistaken impression. I can’t say there is a new trend in town because I am sure it has been there all along without my notice but now, I’m particularly concerned because it seems I have been marked.

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Before now it was taken for granted that, in a relationship between a man and a woman, the man bears the financial responsibility, this is no longer the case. In the 21st century, women have come a long way from where they used to be, they are no longer the shy little creatures whose only purpose is to marry a good man, cook his meals and raise his kids. Nowadays, added to the natural female desire of raising a family, more women are earning their own money, making a name for themselves in their chosen career paths and actually proving that “what a man can do a woman can also do”.

Given the century and the effort being put into gender equality, it is not surprising to see more women being the ‘breadwinner’ of the family or financial source of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement as long as they are both in agreement with it. The problem instead arises, when all a man wants from a relationship is financial gain.

This kind of man will actively seek out unsuspecting young ladies who are sympathetic, vulnerable, or are in one form of emotional need or the other; he would provide temporary support by showering fake love in the hope of getting to his original goal which is to relieve her of as much money as he can.

If you have the misfortune of meeting this type of man, consider yourself a Micro-Finance Bank or a mobile ATM. Depending on how much of a cad he is, you go from buying ‘recharge card’, fueling the car, paying rent, to giving monthly allowance.

I have this friend who actually went the whole nine yards, the ‘fiance’ (it’s all part of the grand scheme, any good woman would like to stand by her man no matter what, especially when a gold ring is involved.) moved into her apartment with his sister, she was feeding them, fueling his car and giving him an allowance.

My cousin met this man who wanted a division of labour, he would pay the rent, and she would furnish the apartment.

I have met a couple of these mercenary bachelors; there was one, who wanted me to pay half the rent of his apartment; after all, that was going to be our matrimonial home. Psst!

There is a lot of material to draw from; personal and other people’s experiences, I could go on forever if I wanted, but I am just going to stop here.

Most of these men are good when it comes to physical intimacy, they might seem particularly attentive, and hopelessly in love to the untrained eye, don’t be deceived that is just a hustle. He will be there for you as long as you have money when the money is gone, he will be gone so fast you won't know what hit you.

In truth, the economy is so hard that people are trying whatever schemes they can in order to survive. A number of young men think that the economy is not quite as hard on women as it is on men, I guess that’s how they came up with the grand scheme of professing love in exchange for money.

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If you want to go into a particular line of business, you need to learn the ropes to be successful at it. Anyone who looks at me and marks me for his victim clearly hasn't learnt his art properly, aside from the terribly obvious fact that I have no gold; I am not that naive or vulnerable.

*Use the comment box, tell me what you think is responsible for the rise of male gold diggers.*

Le Ex-es

In the past few days I have come to the conclusion that is necessary that I take a look at  ‘Okafor’s Law’ and try to come to an understanding of it, don’t ask me who propounded the law because I cannot tell you, but I do know that most people  have a staunch belief in it.

In science, a law is defined as a generalization of a body of observations at the time it is made. Basically, this law tells us what happens without telling us why it happens; I will attempt to find the "why". Let us agree that knowing the ”why” of this law might not be an eye opener or a life-changing experience if so you will do yourself good to read and forget because you don’t want useless information crowding your brain.

"I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing, but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these, he has a large assortment and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that, that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones." Sherlock Holmes

You have been advised if you still want to know then let’s make progress.

“Okafor’s Law”

This statement applies to guys mostly; when a man has been involved with a woman for a period of time and did a terrific job in and out of the bedroom (mostly in the bedroom), the belief is that he can always go to the woman at any given time and sleep with her again no matter what situation arises (breakups, different lover, etc..)

This is the famous/infamous law, now the question is why anyone would succumb to this law after breaking off a relationship for whatever reason. Here, are some of the reasons I rounded up.

1. “Epic Sex- No man wants to give up good sex. If there was a good physical relationship, it's a good reason for him to return. Is the woman able to separate the physical stuff that works in the relationship with the emotional aspects that may be lacking?

2. The Do-over- When it comes to relationships, most men are experiential learners and they learn more by making mistakes. After they've made a few, they end up altering some things (behaviour, patterns etc.) and set out to their next relationship, presumably more prepared. If he made a bunch of mistakes with a past partner, yet felt that there was some kind of connection, he may return for a second go-round. Note, however, that relationship dynamics tend to stay the same, even on a second try. After all, when you pull milk out of the fridge and it's spoiled, you don't put it back and hope it's fresh tomorrow. Sometimes, you just have to throw it out.

3. Single...Again- Men on the rebound tend to reconnect with past girlfriends and lovers. The reasons vary, but mostly due to the above mentions and motivations. By reaching out with a simple phone call, email or text message, he's testing the waters and will gauge what is possible by the woman's reaction.” Charles Orlando -Your Tango

4. Habit- “Because we men are creatures of habit and because we can’t let you women just move on, there’s a good chance that at some point we pop up and try to reinsert ourselves into your lives.  We do damage, leave … and then we reappear.” Mr Spradley - SBM

5. "The Desire to Change Them- Perhaps, when confronted with the chance to get back together with an ex, we see a chance to change or fix them — rescue them from their terrible behaviour and habits of the past.

6. Possession- Sometimes you get back together with someone because you don't want anyone else to have them. Sure, it's sick and twisted, but sadly, dating is sick and twisted now and then.

7. Nostalgia- Thinking about the good times, or even talking about them, can lure you into taking another chance with an ex.”-Marie Claire


Personally, I love a happy 'make-up' story; I'm a sucker for romantic flicks and we know how they end 70%  of the time 'le ex' comes back more mature and full of contrition more loving and all. It is possible that a relationship could work the second time around for a number of reasons; the time apart could have made them realize that they couldn't do without each, there is also the possibility that they've spent the time apart working on themselves or whatever reason they broke up in the first place.

We all know people who are currently married or planning to get married to an Ex that they made up with, that is not the issue.

The way I see it, Okafor’s Law isn't about reuniting Exes, but about eating your cake and still having it; for instance, a married man that sleeps with an Ex-girlfriend. The point here is not to make any amends, but to prove that he can still dip his hands into the cookie jar whenever he wants.

Use the comment box, let us know what your thoughts Okafor’s Law is