We Are One

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Did I tell you that we are one?
Not Black, not White, just human
We see the beauty of nature
We feel the flicker of hope
The joys of family
The passion of love

Again I tell you that we are one
Not rich, not poor, just people 
We feel the dread of disease
The piercing of pain
The frustration of helplessness
The clutch of desperation 

Do you agree that we are one?
Not Christians, not Muslims, just believers
Whether we believe in Jesus,
or we believe in Mohammad,
or we believe in evolution,
or we believe in our gods

You need to know that we are one
Not man, not woman, just  survivors
Striving to succeed
Seeking utopia
Wanting to be seen, to be heard
Counting the days, months, and years

Let me show you that we are one
Not sinners, not saints, just mortals
Wanting to be right
Wanting to do right
Pushing our agendas
And wondering if we are right

So let's focus on our oneness
Setting aside these artificial divides
When it's all said and done
It's always a story of birth and death

Gold-Digger: A Role Reversal

The word gold-digger used to have a female picture beside it, in my mind’s eye, but the types of men I have met in recent times are determined to change that mistaken impression. I can’t say there is a new trend in town because I am sure it has been there all along without my notice but now, I’m particularly concerned because it seems I have been marked.

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Before now it was taken for granted that, in a relationship between a man and a woman, the man bears the financial responsibility, this is no longer the case. In the 21st century, women have come a long way from where they used to be, they are no longer the shy little creatures whose only purpose is to marry a good man, cook his meals and raise his kids. Nowadays, added to the natural female desire of raising a family, more women are earning their own money, making a name for themselves in their chosen career paths and actually proving that “what a man can do a woman can also do”.

Given the century and the effort being put into gender equality, it is not surprising to see more women being the ‘breadwinner’ of the family or financial source of a relationship. There is nothing wrong with this arrangement as long as they are both in agreement with it. The problem instead arises, when all a man wants from a relationship is financial gain.

This kind of man will actively seek out unsuspecting young ladies who are sympathetic, vulnerable, or are in one form of emotional need or the other; he would provide temporary support by showering fake love in the hope of getting to his original goal which is to relieve her of as much money as he can.

If you have the misfortune of meeting this type of man, consider yourself a Micro-Finance Bank or a mobile ATM. Depending on how much of a cad he is, you go from buying ‘recharge card’, fueling the car, paying rent, to giving monthly allowance.

I have this friend who actually went the whole nine yards, the ‘fiance’ (it’s all part of the grand scheme, any good woman would like to stand by her man no matter what, especially when a gold ring is involved.) moved into her apartment with his sister, she was feeding them, fueling his car and giving him an allowance.

My cousin met this man who wanted a division of labour, he would pay the rent, and she would furnish the apartment.

I have met a couple of these mercenary bachelors; there was one, who wanted me to pay half the rent of his apartment; after all, that was going to be our matrimonial home. Psst!

There is a lot of material to draw from; personal and other people’s experiences, I could go on forever if I wanted, but I am just going to stop here.

Most of these men are good when it comes to physical intimacy, they might seem particularly attentive, and hopelessly in love to the untrained eye, don’t be deceived that is just a hustle. He will be there for you as long as you have money when the money is gone, he will be gone so fast you won't know what hit you.

In truth, the economy is so hard that people are trying whatever schemes they can in order to survive. A number of young men think that the economy is not quite as hard on women as it is on men, I guess that’s how they came up with the grand scheme of professing love in exchange for money.

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If you want to go into a particular line of business, you need to learn the ropes to be successful at it. Anyone who looks at me and marks me for his victim clearly hasn't learnt his art properly, aside from the terribly obvious fact that I have no gold; I am not that naive or vulnerable.

*Use the comment box, tell me what you think is responsible for the rise of male gold diggers.*

I Am a Port Harcourt Girl

What is prejudice? Prejudice is an unjustified or incorrect attitude (usually negative) towards an individual based solely on the individual’s membership of a social group, Wikipedia defines prejudice thus: “The word prejudice (or fore deeming) is most often used to refer to preconceived, usually unfavorable, judgments toward people or a person because of gender, social class, age, disability, religion, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, nationality or other personal characteristics. It can also refer to unfounded beliefs and may include "any unreasonable attitude that is unusually resistant to rational influence.”.

I am from Rivers State, and I grew up in Port Harcourt, for the last six years I have been staying in Abuja, and I must say I have heard all manner of things about Port Harcourt people girls.

I don’t know which annoys me the most; hearing people who know next to nothing about Port-Harcourt make assertions with conviction or people who expect you to behave in a certain way because you are a “Port-Harcourt girl”. It’s not like I’m claiming sainthood or anything, but I would like for people to judge me as an individual (that is if they are even allowed to judge) than for someone to sew me a scarlet letter simply because I am from a certain place.

Let me paint a couple of scenarios so we can look at them together.

I’m hanging out with a couple friends, and everyone is having a drink alcoholic of course, and I choose not to, the next thing you hear is “HA! Port Harcourt girl like you”, seriously this is not funny!

I find myself among a group of people, and we are having a conversation about something we saw in the news or on the internet about female sexual escapades, and I express my surprise like everyone else, the next thing I get is “but you should know this now, you are a Port Harcourt girl”

On one occasion I met someone who stayed in Port Harcourt for a couple of years and let it slip that I attended an all-girls’ government secondary school, I heard all sorts and all my protest to the contrary fell on deaf ears.

Most of the things I've heard about the so-called ‘Port Harcourt girls’ is in no way unique to girls in Port Harcourt, as far as we know there are women girls who drink heavily in every part of this world, women have been trading sex for money from time immemorial, and there is no record anywhere that this trade started in Port Harcourt.

I would like someone to give me one vice that started with Port Harcourt girls or one that is unique to them. Until then, stop this nonsense! It’s all fun and games till someone starts picking on you and then you'll realize how totally ridiculous it is being judged out of ignorance.

*use the comment box tell me what you've heard about your city and what you think of the prejudice*

Why Do Women Cheat?: One Woman's Story

“The theory that adultery is "natural" for men, fulfilling their Darwinian need to spread their seed, has been around a long time” –Women Health, Web MD.

Why men cheat is no longer news I think most people have come to the conclusion that men cheat as a sport, and society is trying to in one way or another shove it down our throats that if it’s a man then it’s not quite as awful, and that’s why they come up with useless sayings that almost seem like a pat on the back “he is a man now”, “men will always be men”, “come on darling, that shouldn't surprise you that’s what men do they cheat!”

On my blog rounds yesterday I visited www.thenakedconvos.com and the topic of discussion was "The General & The Mistress: why do women cheat?” I settled in to enjoy myself, but before doing that I told a couple of my friends who are also lovers of TNC that we were in for a treat because TNC is known for its no holds barred approach, moreover, it should be intriguing to get an insight on why women cheat.

If you know anything about blogs the "comment" session is almost as informed as the post itself; there you get diverse views and sometimes a fictitious post develops a real human face, for this particular post, the comments ranged from the lack of attention and care to revenge, to fun etc. I was still going through the comments when I got a ping from one of the friends’ I had directed to the day's post, she told she had dropped her confession in the comment section, she gave the name she used for the comment, and I was amazed at her story.

“If I say he cheated on me with a neighbor will dat suffice? ud probably say no cos I cried n forgave him and accepted it like it was part of my six years 2 months old marriage. did they know each other b4? Cos we moved in here 3 months b4 d marriage.yet their union was stronger Dan China's economy! so I'll let dat pass to d fact dat he came back late and beat me if I ever complained. d fact dat I was pregnant didn't matter afterall "I wasn't carrying Jesus! den he was Transferred 2 a state 3hrs away! He gladly left me n my 1 year old daughter.N visited once a month which later became once in 3 months.we made luv @ most 4 times a year.did I mention I married @ 19?so at 21 I was almost getting Non! I made efforts n I wondered cos I was endowed n good in bed!living like dis 4 over six years? naa, By the 3rd year I cracked n started getting some .afterall ppl wanted me everywhere I went!after 2 attempts I settled for an angel! the best n most handsome caring man in d whole world. I now know wat love is .dis year I moved in with my hubby who was now envious of d fact dat I don't have his time anymore.I did dat 4 my daughter buh it still isn't working BW us d fighting n quarreling.so I have made up my mind 2 get a divorce.hez 20yrs older Dan me n he can sort himself out cos he prefers his age grade!there u have it!”

After reading this, I immediately sent her a ping, all I could say was “ babe you are a strong woman”, that was the first thing my mind could come up with, the next thing I asked was if I could share her story and she said, “yes if you need more details I will tell you” then she went ahead to tell me of a time when he brought his girlfriend to the house, and after an incident asked her to apologize to the girlfriend and after she had apologized his girlfriend’s friend responded “you are lucky I am in a good mood I would have beat you up”. I usually do not curse, but my only response was “What the F***”.

I realize that most women are “saints” that would never dream, think or talk of cheating their partners. But there are a few that do cheat and may have a compelling reason for doing so, please let us share these experiences.

If you have any advice that will help my friend, do not hesitate to use the comment box.